Only Friends

My stepfather is a writer and editor. He is also an honest man whose opinion I value.

Each month I email him this column, and each month he emails my columns back to me with suggestions on how to improve the column.

Last month, I sent him what I thought was a brilliant piece of writing on religious doubt. I felt sure that the column would wow him. But, as an honest man — and my friend — he wrote back, “Hunt (everyone in my family calls me by this nickname) — this column was a tough one for me to follow and agree with. Not your best writing.” When I read his remark I thought: “Hmm…I guess the piece wasn't as genius as I imagined.”

Did it sting a little to read his critique?

Yes.

But I’m glad he told me the truth. It goes without saying (but I will, nevertheless, say it) that only a true friend will tell you if your writing stinks, your zipper is down, or that you have blue cheese dressing on your upper lip.

My email conversation with my stepfather reminded me of the French existentialist, Albert Camus, who wrote, “Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

That’s what we all crave, is it not? Don’t we all crave a friend to walk beside us — in the good times and the bad? Don’t we all crave someone who we can relate with and share common interests?

Don’t we all crave a relationship of mutuality and the type of friend-love that allows for honest critique?

Sometimes it’s not easy to have a good friend because sometimes a good friend must tell us what we don’t want to hear. And sometimes what we don’t want to hear is exactly what we do need to hear. As the Jewish wisdom literature of Proverbs reminds us: “An open rebuke is better than hidden love. Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.”

Or, as the Buddha taught: “A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections is to be respected as if he reveals a secret of hidden treasure.”

A couple of weeks ago I received a Publix advertisement in my mailbox. Contained in this advertisement was a piece of trivia that stated: “People who have a friend within one mile of their home tend to be happier than those who have friends living farther away.”

I don’t know whether or not this is true for all people, but it is true for me. It’s like Aristotle said: “Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.” The closer you are to your good friend, the closer you are to your own soul.

So, what are you waiting for? Touch base with the other half of your soul. You’ll be glad that you did — even if your friend tells you what you’d rather not hear.

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